Hey Jakey,

I am the snack bar. Koo koo kachoo. I'm not even pretending anymore that I am any significant source of nutrition for you. More like a mommy-pop that you suck on when the mood strikes. Oh well, that's fine with me.

So when I talked to your daddy's mom the other day, she told me that daddy gave us a 50/50 chance of returning to the Bay Area within the next six months. Whoa, that's news to me. So I talked to daddy about it, and he's probably right. There's close to no way he's going to find a job out here that gives him the hours that WF did. That's why you're not in daycare, kiddo. Because we both had dreamy flex hours. I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. So, thinking out loud here, but here are the good, the bads, the uglies of the situation:

What I like about living here:

* SNOW! I love walking in it. I love driving in it. I love skiing/snowboarding/shoeing in it. I love watching it out the window at home and at work. I love snow the way someone who was born in a snowy climate never could. I love winter, I love cold, I LOVE SNOW!

* As far as jobs go, mine's okay. I get decent hours and a steady paycheck and decent perks. I get to write, I get to be creative, I get perks and props from the community. I saw a cartoon in the paper last week: A guy's sitting on the bus with a box of his office stuff on his lap. He says to the guy next to him, "I used to work part-time. Then my boss found out." Hardy-har-har. True.

• I love that, like last week, I can get up in the morning with a wild hair (hare?) up my ass to go take pictures of rocks, and within minutes, I can be dipping my toes in the most beautiful lakes imaginable, taking pictures of goddamn rocks. If I want to go gambling at Caesars, I don't have to drive five hours to do it. If I want to go fishing, hiking or camping in the Sierras, ditto. I have the most lovely commute of anybody ever. Through the desert, straight up the side of a mountain, a tiny highway that curves all the way around Lake Tahoe, ferchrissakes, and when I go for a smoke break (yeah...we'll talk about that later) I can watch the Lake through the trees.

* For $725 the three of us can have a two-car garage, a huge front/back/side yard, two bathrooms, two bedrooms. Your daddy and I lived for SEVEN years in a tiny one-bedroom, upstairs apartment in SJ. When we left, we were paying $1000 a month.

* I like that your grandma Carol and her husband don't live here.

What I miss about the Bay Area:

* My friends. I've made, oh, a COUPLE of good friends here. C, T, S, and a few others at work. But they all live far away, in Reno or in Incline, so I can't just hang with them. I hardly know anone in G'ville, because I'm hardly ever here. Back home, there were always parties, dinners, club-hopping, drinks and pool after work. I would love to have my friends back.

* Culture. This is a big one, and encompasses many things. I miss art-house movies, live music that isn't reggae ( which there is waaaaay too much of on the North Shore...), Vietnamese delis, Japantown, decent radio stations, museums, shopping. I miss people of color.

*The ocean. I'm a Pisces. Lake's are nice, but a fish-girl needs the vastness of the ocean and the tang of salt-spray a little bit more often then I get it here.

I dunno, Jakey. I'd like to go back. I want to stay. I miss my friends. I love the snow. Work is work. I'll hate it no matter where I live. I'll toss you up in the air, son, and if you land on your head, we'll go, if you land on your ass, we'll stay.