Hey Jakey,

Your daddy took you to Reno yesterday to meet up with his side of the family, and I opted out, preferring to stay at home and maybe get some more gardening done, and maybe clean the house a bit. Ha. I slept in until 10:30, laid on the couch and watched two crappy made-for-tv movies on the Lifetime channel, ate way too much, then went out shopping and spent way too much at Home Depot (Example impulse buy: a folding Winnie the Pooh camp chair for you, adorable).

It was the first time I've really had the house to myself all day since the week before you were born. I didn't know what to do with myself. I missed you like crazy, worried if you were getting a nap, worried if you were getting enough to eat. There was a pretty intense moment when I forgot that you weren't home and I wondered where the hell you were, and why you weren't making any noise.

Yeah, there was a time last summer when daddy took you to San Jose for a few days, but I was wicked busy getting the magazine out, and your nana and grampa were here, so I wasn't completely alone. But yesterday, that was weird. I didn't like it.

Speaking of spooking me out, I've noticed that a day doesn't go by that you don't scare the hell out of me at least once. Day before yesterday, you were out in the side yard. I knew you were out in the side yard, and I also know there's no possible way of you getting out of the side yard. When I'm in the living room, I can watch you playing, and you can climb in and out the door to the living room when it suits you. All of a sudden, I realized you weren't making any noise, so I rush to the door, and didn't immediately see you. In the span of a nanosecond, I pictured you running down the street, dodging cars and fending off feral dogs. But no, you had climbed up in the lawn chair and were sitting there quietly, sucking on a toy.

Day before that, while I was feeding you dinner, you managed to stuff a bunch of fish stick in your mouth. You always fake me out. I give you a bit of food, you chew on it, and when I think you're ready, I give you a bit more. But--you often chew, hide it in your cheek like a squirrel, then ask for more. Apparently, you had a whole mouthful of fish stick and you started to make choking noises and your eyes started bugging out. I swooped you out of your high chair and banged on your back and you spewed out a big mess of fish. Then you started giggling.

Ack. Every day, in some little way, you manage to jumpstart my poor heart. Maybe it's because I'm a terrible mom. Or maybe its because you're an ornery kid. Or maybe it's a combination of the two.

You're sleeping thru the night pretty well nowadays. I'll bring you to bed to snuggle with us when you do get up around 7, 7:30-ish. It's my new favorite time of the day. You're all warm and sleepy and lovey-dovey. You'll put your arms around me and stare up at me, sometimes go back to sleep for a bit, sometimes not. It's early, and neither of us are stirring up trouble yet, and that's when I realize how much I love you, and maybe how much you love me. Oh, I never knew it was gonna be like this.

Kisses, baby! Love you!