Sleep tight. Please?

Hey Jakey,

Tonight's the night. This is your first night in your own bed. The new bed in your own room has been assembled for about two weeks now, but for some reason your daddy and I have been dragging our feet when it comes to actually putting you in the damn thing.

I finally went out and bought some cute bedding before daddy did, cuz I knew if I left it up to him, he'd come home with some gawd-awful SpiderMan set, or maybe the Raiders. So I went the Martha route and picked out a quasi-log cabin quilty lookin' set from Target. Not the funnest look a boy dreams of for his room, but... there ya have it.

I want to get this blog entry logged and published before you wake up and wander back towards what you probably feel is your rightful place in bed between daddy and me.

There may be mommies out there who read this and shake their head and tsk. What in the world is a two-and-a-half year-old boy still doing sleeping with mom and dad?

Well, I'd love to plant myself on that side of the Attachment Parenting fence, wave my Dr. Sears flag high, and proclaim that we're co-sleepers and we're proud. But it would be a lie. It was never supposed to go this far.

Back when you were a tiny baby, you were a squawling, bawling little thing, and although you slept like a log once you were asleep, getting you there was an ordeal, to say the least. Daddy took to sleeping on the couch, while you and I laid in bed, nursing and crying and screaming and watching Nick at Nite until the sun came up. The only sleep we got at night found us curled up tightly together like a puzzle ring.

At various times, we tried transitioning you to your crib, with varying results. There were periods when you slept there thru the night, a period when you slept most of the night, then wound up back in bed with us by 4 a.m. and then lastly, a period where we would wake up as soon as we put you down, and could not be coaxed back to sleep.

We went thru the horrible Cry It Out phase, which didn't last long, thank you very much. The first night, I think I cried louder than you did. Neither your daddy or me was very thrilled with the results of this "method." It's not in your nature to give up and go quietly. You screamed for-EVER. I think we tried this two or three times, gave up, and never looked back.

So, back into the family bed you went. Neither your daddy or me minded. We both loved having you there with us. I kept waiting, listening for a tone or watching for some sort of sign from your daddy that he had had enough, sure that he would crack before I would, but it never came.

I love having you there. I feel our time in bed re-sets the two of us back to "start," when I can catch up on our cuddle time that I miss out on during the day because I'm working, or can snuggle away any hurt feelings-- yours or mine --that can accumulate during a challenging day, and most of all, I just get to hold you, which is sometimes difficult during the day, when you're always on the move.

I love waking up before you, and watching you sleep. I love listening to you snore softly in the middle of the night. I love the way you aggressively seek body heat, taking turns pressing up against either your daddy or me. I love covering your head with kisses, knowing that you're such a sound sleeper that I won't wake you up. I love it when you're up first, and you wake me up with a pat on the head and a smile.

So I have mixed feelings about this transition. I'm hoping tonight goes smoothly, so that I don't have the opportunity to try to re-think this. It's time. You're growing up and it's just... time.

Ha, but most of all, "circle of life" and all that happy shit: we have until November 17 to get you used to sleeping in your own bed, lest we try to cram all four of us into a bed together, and I just can't let that happen.

I keep thinking I'm hearing you getting out of bed and expect for you to come through that door any second. But... so far so good. It's just my imagination. It can't really be this easy, can it?

All right, I'll sign off while my luck is holding. Love you, my big big boy. You can do this, and so can I.