If you were any cuter, your head would explode.

Hey Jakey,

Your school pictures came back today. The envelope says to remit payment by Monday, and return the photos we don't want. Right. THAT's how they getcha. What mother in her right mind would actually return photos of her child. Especially when you look like *that*.

You came home with all sorts of good stuff in your backpack, including artwork of a more appropriate nature (a coiled snake made out of a paper plate), your three-month IEP goals update (So-so progress! But that's a good thing!), and a notice announcing the Mother's Day mother-son dance on May 12 at the County Fairgrounds complex. I don't know whether to look forward to this, or dread it down to my very toes.

$12 per couple gets us a corsage, cookies and punch. I'm nervous about it already. If you behave there the same way you behave anywhere else, they might send the two of us next door to the 4-H stables by ourselves to dance.

Fuck it. We're soooooooo there.