And so 2010 becomes 2011, and I've officially been at this blogging thing for 7 years

Hey kids,

You came home to me today! You with your noises and smells and messes and metric shit tons of Christmas presents. My quiet little Zen sanctuary of the last week has returned to it's normal state of FUBAR and I guess that's okay with me. You actually seemed a bit glad to see me, Wavy especially. I just have the hardest time shaking the feeling that I could be lifted right out of your lives and you'd never even know that I was gone.

I realize now what I'm sick with. It's that damned sinus infection that I had trouble with back in February-ish. I can't get in to see my doctor 'til Tuesday, and I have absolutely no delusions that I will get any better before then. My toxic post-nasal drip is melting the back of my throat straight through to my spine. My eyes are bulging outward from the pressure and are going to blow at any second. The hacking cough has me swooning like Camille in her death throes.

So before I settle in with a glass of wine and ring in the new year with either "Eat Pray Love" or "The Other Guys," let's look back upon the non-event year that was 2010.

I mean seriously. Nothing of great import really happened. Besides my hellacious new job duties. But even that doesn't seem so awful now, now that I've learned to just "lay back and enjoy it," cuz it's going to happen to me no matter what anyway. Here's a cute story from work that made me realize that at least the core group of people I work with aren't half bad:

So we had the traditional office white elephant gift exchange a week or so ago. The price range for gifts was $15-20, standard stuff as far as this kind of thing goes. And not mandatory at all. Maybe about half the people on the second floor played along. My offering was an "Inception" BluRay-DVD combo pack, normally $29.99, but on sale at Target for about $20. At the exchange with 25 or so people gathered around the office tree, I chose a gift bag with a nice bottle of port and glasses and loads of novelty candies. A nice, witty presentation all around. I was devastated when, of course, someone stole it out from beneath me. I remember, trudging back to the pile of gifts to pick another one, I heard someone whisper, "Wow. She looks really distraught." I was!

So for my second round, I picked a gift bag that contained a crappy box of candy. Something that could be had at any Rite-Aid or CVS for about $4.99. Zero thought or effort whatsoever. But with a couple dozen people watching, I have to pretend that it was the coolest gift EVER. I mean... whatever. Dear Mr. or Ms. Crappy Box of Candy: Either play the game correctly or don't play at all, right?

So afterwards, my two cube-mates, with whom I work closely every day that I work, announce that they are going out to the empty parking lot next door to do donuts in the new snow. And they undoubtedly did many donuts but then they came back about an hour later with a bottle of port and a note that said simply, "Because you got hosed."

I cried. There were hugs all around. It was a beautiful day. Okay, maybe it's not that great a story, but I wanted it committed to cyber-paper so that I can return to it and re-read it when I hate my job again.

We saw a bear. Jakob learned to tie his shoes, whistle and blow up balloons. Wavy learned to sit nicely and quietly in the movie theater, buckle herself into her car seat and to chew gum without swallowing it.

I watched the entire series of The Wire over the course of the summer. Fantastic.

My parents moved to town. It's been purt-near painless. So far.

No big health crises or car meltdowns. No bankruptcies or court summons. Also, no winning lotto tickets or Publisher Clearing House visits from Ed McMahon. Which would be gross, seeing how he's dead and all.

So we made it through another one, not too much worse for wear. Let's aim for the same or better for next year. Now: wine, movies and maybe some leftover chicken salad as I listen to the neighbors blow up their yearly stash of illicit cherry bombs and M-80s. (Ummmm, note to self, don't google image search M-80s. There are more photos of burnt, fingerless hands than there are of actual M-80s.)

Tomorrow will be a day of firsts. First waffles of 2011 made with my brand-new waffle iron. First trip to Cali up the road to buy our first lotto tickets of 2011. First mini-Blizzards of 2011 at DQ.

Oh, let's get things started with my first non-sequitur of the new year:

Awesome box of "flatbread" for new years snacks. Look at that box! The little window affords a peek of these fantastically oversized crackers that will serve as giant vehicles for clam dip and slices of stinky cheese!



But no:



The glorified, outsized wheat thins are blatantly overpackaged and good for not much more than just ridicule and derision. Bah. And now I can say that I spent the first five minutes of 2011 exposing these shitty little crackers for what they really are. TAKE THAT, Nabisco!

So, good night, happy new year, should old acquaintances and all that. Love you.