Hey Jakey,

Just got back from your playdate in the park with the other early intervention kiddos. It was fun, and I hope we get to do it more often. Got to meet a couple of moms and their kids, and met the occupational therapist that we're going to start meeting with soon. I liked her a lot, and she specializes in sensory integration, so hopefully the two of you will get along famously.

Although I initially balked at your SLP's tentative diagnosis of a sensory integration disorder, I'm beginning to open my mind in that direction. She introduces you to the other therapists as "Jake; he's a classic sensory integration kid!" Without even spending a second of time with you, the occupational therapist described you to a "t" and even intuited my interaction with you in regards to this behavior. Hmmmm. I look forward to spending some more time with her.

So. My parents will be here on the first of July and will be here for at least three weeks. I love them dearly, and I'm looking forward to their being here. But, they do have a tendency to drive me nuts. Here, then, is my Thursday Thirteen of items that drive me over the edge when they visit:

(I'm old enough now that I actually have friends that no longer have their parents around, and I realize that my petty whining can be just that -- petty -- but I look at it this way: If I get my whining out of the way here, I will not take it out on them while they are here, and everyone will be that much better for it...)

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13 things about my parents' visits that annoy me:
(in no particular order)

1. Their current diet consists of baked chicken breasts, steamed vegetables and little else. It's not really even the Atkins diet, but a modified Stillman diet. Remember that one? The diet that supposedly killed Karen Carpenter? Yeah.

2. My dad smokes a lot. A lot. Barely bearable when I myself am smoking, intolerable when I am not, like now.

3. My mom and dad start to fight like cats and dogs after the first week or so. Like they're getting cabin fever or something.

4. I don't know if it's the meds or what, but my mother has turned into a shrew. She bitches about EVERYTHING. And it's usually the same things she bitched about the last time they were here: the customer service at our Wal-Mart vs. the exceptional customer service they get back home in Texas; the horrible drive from TX to NV; the high price of everything here vs. the exceptional low prices of everything in TX; the heat; the cold; the mosquitoes...

5. My dad is an alcoholic, BUT he does not drink while he visits us. So he begins a descent into withdrawals starting from day one. Crankiness, edginess, loss of appetite, etc.

6. They are both (especially my dad, though) bordering on deaf. Everything I say I have to repeat at least twice before my dad catches it. And they watch tv at a deafening volume.

7. Tv. Ah yes. They watch stupid tv. Lots of Court TV, Animal Planet and CNN Headline News.

8. They tell the same stories over and over and over again. Long, drawn-out stories about people that I do not know and have never met, but who I am instructed to love like family.

9. They both occasionally make childcare choices that I myself would not make. Like when my mom gives you a bath, but takes short breaks from watching you to do the laundry. Or when she changes your diaper four times more often than your daddy and I normally do, with vigorous wipings, that lead to inevitable diaper rash, EVERY time they visit. Or when she feeds you a tiny, tiny meal and believes that you have had enough. Or when my dad takes you for a walk, and smokes like a chimney the entire way. Or when he climbs in a car with you, and lights up.

10. This is more embarassing than annoying, but my dad insists on paying for every little thing while they are here. He'll slip a twenty in my pocket if I volunteer to go out and pick up a bucket of chicken. He'll take my truck to the gas station before I wake up and fill it with gas. He'll grab my ATM card or my cash out of my hand as we stand in line at the grocers and swipe his credit card through before I can tackle him and retrieve it. He argues loudly with me at restaurants every time the check comes and I move to rummage through my purse.

11. My mother doesn't listen to a word I say. I will be telling a story, and she will cut me off in the middle of it to either start her own story, or ask me about something completely unrelated. This makes me feel as if I am six years old again. Last time she was here, this habit managed to make me lock myself in my bathroom and cry, no less than three different times.

12. Financial advice. My mother has the same anecdotes and nuggets of wisdom that she has tried to pass along for the last 10 years. None of her advice applies to any situation that your daddy and I find ourselves in, however.

13. Even though my mother detests our Wal-Mart and its employees, she insists on making a trip at least every other day, for hours at a time.

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Having said all that, I must repeat that I love these two dearly, and I look forward to their company. When I am rested from this round of blogging, hopefully I will find the reserves to answer this with a Thursday 13 of reasons I never want them to leave.