Junebug versus hurricane... hey hey

Hey Jakey,

Do we look anything alike? Besides the fact that we both have bad haircuts?

We finally got your first professionally-shot photos of you back. How come you never smile like that for me? And um... I won't even mention the fact that if you were just a bit blonder, you'd be the spitting image of the kid that sees dead people in the Sixth Sense movie.

Your Nana and Papa flew in from Texas yesterday. And as you know, your daddy's mom and stepdad won't be able to make it this week, because she's most likely going to have to undergo chemo very soon, and shouldn't be around babies. Think good thoughts for her, sweetie. She's wants very much to be here, but needs to stay home to get better.

Five days left. I've kept jokingly telling people all along that I'm still in denial about the whole thing. That's not entirely true. I'm completely aware and in the moment regarding being pregnant, undergoing major surgery in less than a week, of being miserable. It's the whole DAY AFTER thing that I'm kind of fuzzy about. That after all of this is "over," I'm left with a brand-new baby. Again.

We haven't been following the bedtime protocol very closely lately. Daddy's been sleeping in your bed, supposedly so I can sprawl out more comfortably in ours, but I'm sure that my moaning and groaning and getting up to pee a dozen times each night has a lot to do with it. He started out sleeping there with you, but then I started stealing you in the middle of the night, because I was lonely, and most recently because this awful YouTube video about the importance of carseat safety made me bawl like a dork, and miss you terribly, even though you were just in the next room.

These are the last few nights that I'll have you to myself, and it makes me sad.

So, when I gave birth to you, it was kind of a surprise. I was still a week away from my scheduled c-section (kinda like right NOW), I had just spent the day at the hair salon and gone out to dinner with my friends, in short was just having a grand ol' misery-free time, and giving birth was one of the last things on my mind.

Long story short: later that evening, my water broke, went to hospital, one quickie emergency c-section later, you were born.

Slam. Bam. Thank ya, ma'am.

There was no week-long countdown to "incision time." There was no signing up for pre-admittance to the hospital. No packing my bags and making sure everything was ready for when I got back home. And ummm... no relatives hanging restlessly about the house.

This time is different. I can only assume that I will actually make it to Friday's scheduled birth. This is like studying for a test. Only worse. Or anticipating a speech in front of the class, or a blind date. It's the difference between a hurricane and an earthquake. A hurricane, you watch it creep slowly up on you, following its every move on television, knowing that it's coming, sure in its inevitability. An earthquake just happens, out of nowhere. Either you're prepared, or you're not.

I'm not saying that I'm wishing for an earthquake, I'm just saying that sometimes they're easier.

You're with me again tonight. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do. I love you, dear heart.