Coupla things, maybe three

Hey kids,

Besides evil, bloodthirsty and murderous despots, there is no one more despicable in this world than rude cashiers. Several times in the space of just one week, I've come across a handful of them, and they just leave me shaking with rage.

Just tonight, on the way home from work, I stopped at Raley's for a few things. I have made Raley's my supermarket of choice, when there are two other supermarkets on that same block, at least one of them less expensive. Raley's just has a more pleasant clientele and nicer clerks. But the clerk I got tonight was chatting loudly with his buddy at the next checkout line about -- as far as I can tell -- some hilarious tv show in which a baby was being torn apart by a pit bull. He asked me curtly, "hey, how ya doin' tonight?" and cut me off before I could get half a word out of my mouth: "Fi--." He scanned the rest of my groceries, all the while chatting boisterously with his buddy, then handed me my receipt without looking at me and without a thank you.

Earlier this week, I completed an entire $150 grocery purchase at WalMart, and I didn't think it was possible, but the entire transaction took place without eye contact or one goddamned "hello" or "thank you."

A similar sale went down at the shoe store when I bought sneakers last weekend. I shouted over my shoulder as I walked out the door, "No, thank YOU! Have a lovely day!"

My outrage may be construed as an over-reaction, but I really and truly don't believe I am in the wrong to expect, if not warmth and congeniality, at least common frickin' decency. And here's why:

I've been there. I have worked retail. I have worked fast food. I have worked cash registers in the worst conditions imaginable. I have been yelled at, I have been called an idiot, I have been short-changed, I have been hit on, I have dealt with lines of customers that wind out the door and into the parking lot. And yes, dammit, I have even been threatened with a gun. And in every instance (except for maybe the gun thing), I have afforded every customer a "hello," a "thank you," a "come again" and a smile. Even when sick as a dog, or hung over, or mourning a love gone bad. There is no excuse.

I'm not expecting, and frankly do not enjoy, an extended conversation or any pleasantries beyond "Nice weather we're having..." But I do expect, at the very least, an acknowledgment that I am standing at your register and am about to hand you my hard-earned money, in the form of a hello or a nod or eye contact. And at the end of our business, we shall both conclude with a THANK YOU. That last part doesn't even have to sound sincere, it just has to EXIST.

So there are at least two things, maybe three, that I expect the two of you to learn how to do, and how to do WELL, before you go out there and get your fancy jobs as astronauts or doctors or cartographers or what have you. You need to learn how to cashier and you need to learn how to wait tables. Armed with those two well-honed skills and the empathy it engenders as everyday customers yourselves, you will be better, kinder, more likeable and responsible people.

And you also need to learn how to ride public transportation. But that's a post for another day.

So chew carefully on THAT. Good night. Love you both.