Hey Jakey,

Here are some thoughts about work. I've just got to get it out of my system cuz I hate that I'm thinking about it so much, right now when I should NOT be thinking about it, and just enjoying the hell out of YOU.

Anyway, I guess that it's not the actual physical work thing that's freaking me out. I can do three quarters of my job from home. I only have to be in the office on Fridays, Mondays and Tuesday mornings. And, truth be told, your mother's half-assed her job for the last two years now. I get paid for working 40 hours, but I can do a week's worth of work in less than half that. Big secret. If my fucking fucked-up boss ever knew... Oh! Mommy's using the F-word again! So, what's really bothering me is that I'm going to have to devote time, any time whatsoever, to something other than you. I'll have to get up in the morning and get dressed up in something other than sweats and flip-flops, because, unlike you, the people I'll have to deal with will actually give a shit what I look like.

I daydream about you when you're in the next room. Can you imagine what it's going to be like for me when I'm 40 miles away, for 10 hours at a time? I told your daddy that if he can make enough money so I don't have to work, I'd think about birthing him another baby (It only took us 11 years to make you, Jakey! At that rate, I'd be 47 before I got pg again!).

But on the other hand, I sure like that paycheck. I sure like spending that paycheck. If I had to rely on your daddy to "give" me money, I'd shrivel up and die. I spend money like it's water. I can't leave the house without spending $20. Why, I just left the house for 2 hours this evening and I spent $35 at Old Navy and at Borders bookstore. For what, you ask? Crap! C-R-A-P! You did get a cute sweatshirt and sunglasses out of the deal, but the rest was worthless crap to make me feel better!

So there you have it, Jake. Your mom's a lazy slob who hates to work, but loves to spend money like its going out of style.

I had another nursing dream last night. I was nursing you and there was so much milk that you were spluttering and gagging. Some people, me included, have dreams about flying. And when you're flying, you feel so invincible and free. My flying dreams have been replaced with nursing dreams. I've had so many dreams lately where exorbitant amounts of milk just flow from my breasts, and I'm so incredibly happy because I'm so bountiful.

I've really got to stop obsessing over this. You're not wasting away, so you're obviously getting enough to eat. That's the bottom line, right? I just have to get over it and worry about something else, right? Sigh... I sincerely hope that you don't inherit my incapacitating neuroses and tics, Jake.