Hey Jakey,

It's been a few days since I've written. It's been a real rough week, baby. I'm trying to make some extra money by doing some freelance work. I found out that it's well nigh impossible to work from home and tend to you at the same time. Maybe it'll be easier when you're just a bit older, sweetie. Or if I could find a way to work the computer with just the one hand? I'm apologizing to you now for the two or three times this week that I had to put you in the crib and just let you cry it out for a few minutes. Talking to clients on the phone with a baby on the boob is a new experience, though. This week has been kind of a trial-by-fire transition back into the workaday world.

I go back to work in 15 days. Two weeks plus one day. 360 hours. Tick tock. Tick tock.

List time!

Here's a list of the things that used to make you scream but don't anymore:
1. Getting your diaper changed.
2. Taking a bath.
3. Strapping you into the car seat.
4. Laying on your tummy.
5. Laying on your back.

Here's a list of the things that mommy has to get done before she goes back to work:
1. Get my brakes fixed.
2. Get my hair cut.
3. Arrange a place at work where I can pump undisturbed (I'm NOT doing it in the bathroom...)
4. Get your gramma situated. (She's going to be here in 13 days! Two weeks minus one day! 312 hours!)
5. Make a super-duper mega-mondo run to Wal-Mart for food. We gotta be able to feed gramma and I swear I'm bringing my lunch to work so that I don't eat out every day.

Here's a list of the things that mommy will probably get done:
1. Get my hair cut.

I talked to Heidi on the phone today for about 90 seconds and she managed to majorly piss me off. It took me (and you) four laps around the park today to shake it off. She managed to diss both me AND you in one sentence: "How did someone like YOU manage to have such a small baby? What's up with that?" So she called ME fat and YOU under-nourished in one fell swoop. What a fat cow. Literally. She put on 60 pounds while she was pregnant and 5 months later it's all still there and she's still wearing her maternity clothes. And me, well, I'm proud to say that I am 3/4 of a pound less than when I found out I was pregnant. I know, I know, I sound catty. But that woman makes me soooo mad, Jakey! She picked on me the whole time I was pregnant, and now she's still picking on me. And now YOU too! Argh. She seemed so proud to tell me today that her fucking enormous baby ate 12 bottles of formula with cereal in one day yesterday. I hope he winds up on the Dr. Phil show in five years when he weighs 230 pounds.

On a lighter note... my new nursing bra came in the mail the other day! Ugh. My breasts are so gargantuan right now. I modeled it for your daddy and he said it looked like I was wearing overalls. Fucker. Even though I'm at my pre-pregnancy weight right now, my clothes just don't fit like they used to. I'm all stretched out and poochy in places that just didn't need to be any more stretched out and poochier than they already were. My jeans button funny and none of my old bras fit. You'll never know the heart-ache of post-partum, Jakey, unless there are some weird and wonderful scientific advancements in the coming years that render males able to bear children. I think the world would be a waaaay more peaceful place if that ever came to be, eh?