Hey Jakey,

Wow, what a week. I finished up my freelance project earlier this week. What a frickin' nightmare. The money's okay, but it makes life hell for about two weeks. That goes double when you're around. Travis says he doesn't want to take the project on next quarter, so I have a choice: do the whole thing myself and get paid commensurately, or just drop the client altogether and spend more time cuddling you. Hmph. I had to let you CIO a few times this week, and for that I'm heartily sorry.

Also, this week, the client called early in the morning while I was in bed with you. I got up to answer the phone, and while I was away, you rolled off the bed. When I walked back in the bedroom, you were on the floor, I screamed, shouted "OH SHIT!!!" into the phone and hung up. You were fine. You were crying bloody murder, but you were fine. I picked you up and you laughed, so I'm assuming I didn't do any permanent damage. I'm so so so so sorry. Good for you, though, congrats on your new rolling skills. I wasn't going to tell your daddy what happened, but I blurted it out as soon as he got home. I thought he'd be mad, but he wasn't. Anyways, HE was the one who banged your head in the doorway when he was carrying you sideways. Jakey, if you survive your daddy and I, please don't write a book about how bad we were to you.

I'm trying to stuff all sorts of Jakey time into my days before I have to go back to work. Yesterday we laid in bed all day and watched junky TV. Two hours of ER re-runs, followed by Love Boat, followed by McGyver. Well, okay, I was sick, too.

I was trying to get on a regular pumping schedule before I actually get to the office. So for three days straight there, I was pumping at 11am and 2pm, like I probably will at work. And for three days straight, I was plagued by clogged ducts. Big fever, chills, achey boobs, the whole she-bang. I quit the pumping schedule and immediately felt better. Argh. Everything seems to be working against us, son. I'm still kinda woozy and big-time tired and achey, but I managed to get started on the garden today. I'm sure gonna feel it tomorrow, though. I went to town with that Garden Weasel thing.

Hey, it SNOWED this morning! Just a little bit, but it was snow all the same. And I'm sure that's the last we'll see of it until next season. I wish we lived somewhere where it snowed so much that I'd be sick of snow by the time springtime came. I love the snow, and it doesn't snow here half as much as I would like it too.

Daddy asked me tonight if I wanted to try and get you to sleep all night in the crib tonight. "Break you," is how he referred to it. I'm not ready, Jake! I love having you in bed with me! I know daddy's tired of it, but he's not the one who will have to get up in the middle of the night to nurse you. It's just so easy to wake up next to you, stick my boob in your mouth, and go back to sleep. I just love waking up in the morning with your face all smashed into my boobs.

Besides, *now* is not the time to start a new routine with you. My mom is coming on Wednesday, your daddy's real dad and stepmom are coming on Saturday, and I start back to work on Friday. It's going to be the week from hell. I do NOT need the added heartbreak of listening to you cry it out in your crib for hours on end. I couldn't take it! Daddy's okay with that, for now, but he does eventually want the bed to himself again soon.

BTW, I'm meeting daddy's dad for the very first time next week. That'll be weird. Your dad and I have been together for 12 years, and I'm only now meeting him. I've heard some icky stories about him. I know your daddy has been mad at him for decades, ever since his mom and him got divorced. As soon as they got divorced, when your dad was 11 years old, he moved all the way over to the other side of the country. I'd be mad, too, if my dad did that to me. Can you imagine? They've only seen each other a handful of times since then. But he's making a special trip all the way out here to meet YOU, pooper. I guess that's got to count for something.

This was the last week that Laurie stayed with us, because there's not enough room for Laurie AND my mom to stay. Things sure are different between us now. I realized that this week. We used to do all sorts of cool things together, go camping, go rock hunting, take road trips, color Easter eggs, bake cookies. Now it seems that every time we get together, it's an imposition. We don't do fun stuff that much anymore, mostly cuz she can't afford it, or if we do go somewhere, I'm picking up the tab. Mostly we just go out to eat. Maybe things will be different when she gets a real job, and when she and Forrest move back to the Bay Area, she'll be more like her old self. But for right now, she drinks waaay too much (is a fifth of Jim Beam in three days too much?), she takes waaay too many scrip drugs (asked me if I still had any Vicodan from my hospital stay... yup, I do, but I didn't tell her that), and every other word out of her mouth is FUCK. I don't know when *that* started, but it's pretty startling when you're trying to have a civilized conversation with her. I wish I could have the old Laurie back. She got along with you pretty well, though. She'd never fed a baby before, so I let her give you a bottle. That was pretty cool.

She probably thinks I'm a drag nowadays, too. I don't smoke or drink anymore (well, you know what I mean, one Am Spirit and a Cosmo once a month HARDLY counts as smoking and drinking.... ha ha), I have a KID, ferchrissakes, and that was NEVER part of the plan! Hmph, maybe I'm the one who's a drag now, never thought about that.

I know I'm a drag tonight, though. I'm all dehydrated and weird, I have a huge sty on my eye, my muscles ache from all that lugging around I did today out in the yard, I'm sooooo tired. I made enchiladas for dinner tonight, and I ate too much, so I'm all loagy and bloated from that. I just want to hibernate for a few weeks before I have to face the world this week.

There was a movie when I was a little kid, I think it was called "The Girl, the Gold Watch and Everything." This guy has a gold watch that he uses to stop time. He did stupid stuff like stop time, then take girls' bikini tops off. Whatever! If I had that gold watch, I would sleep! I would blog properly, I would work out, I would read trashy horror novels, clean the house. Jake, there's no end to the stuff I would do if I could stop time. Then, when time started up again, I would be all caught up on the extraneous shit, and I could spend better time with you.

Speaking of which, it's only 9:30, but I think I'm going to go to bed a bit early. Care to join me?