Hey Jakey,

Here's what you're up to lately:

* Driving me absolutely fucking bugnuts with your out-of-control sleep schedule.

* Walking. Not just the running leap/fall-on-your-face lurching, but real honest-to-god walking. I've witnessed you walking all the way down the hallway, through the bedroom door and smashing into the bed; toddling from the kitchen all the way to the couch; from the couch all the way to the television. You're on your way, Wolf-boy.

* Climbing up on stuff. You can climb up on the couch all by yourself. Oh, and you can climb down from stuff, too. You crawl like mad up to the edge of the bed, whip your ass around, and sllliiiiide down to the floor. Very smooth.

Okay, so re: your sleep schedule. (If any mothers happen to be reading this, please critique me. Be kind.)

I know I've been very, very bad when it comes to fostering any sort of sleep habits in you. We started out the first four months co-sleeping. We didn't mean to, it just happened. You wouldn't fall asleep any other way. The crib made you scream (as did everything else...). After the fourth month, we started putting you in your crib after you fell asleep, sometime between 9 and 10pm. You would wake up at some point in the very early morning, and I would bring you to bed with us and nurse you back to sleep, then you would get up for good later on at a more decent hour. This went on for approximately another four months. I was lovin' it.

Then we found out that if we gave you a bottle when you woke up in the middle of the night, you would fall back asleep in your crib until morning. That's been going on up until a couple of weeks ago. Nowadays you've been waking up cranky as hell two, three, four times a night. Going thru bottles like mad, and fighting us when we try to put you back in your crib. You wind up back in bed with us (Ooooh, you pissed me off a couple of nights ago. You were in your crib, 2am, crying crying crying, I finally brought you to bed, you smiled a smuggy-smug smile at me in the dark, as if to say "yeah, I got you wrapped around my wittle finger," and then you immediately fell asleep. What a BRAT...).

My ped outlined a "Ferber-ish" technique for us the last time we went, and I just laughed. The idea of putting you down in your crib, "drowsy but awake,' is just ludicrous. Well, in our situation, anyway. I'm sure it works for other mothers, but if I tried that with you (and I must admit, that I have tried a couple of times...) you don't scream the recommended "20 minutes the first night, 15 the next, 10 the next." You just holler until someone comes and gets you.

So what I've ended up doing is laying with you with all the lights out when you start to get sleepy and cranky, shushing and humming, and you're usually asleep within 5-10 minutes, then I put you into your crib. Then you're up later that night, you get a bottle, then you bitch and moan, then you get back in bed with your daddy and me. I'm sure this goes against EVERY baby sleep philosophy ever published, but it's what's working for us (I mean, YOU) at this moment. Driving me crazy, yes, but do-able. Am I not being enough of a hard-ass? Will you grow up to be a serial killer?

Oh I don't know what to do with you. All my baby-rearing books are failing me on this one, dear heart. I just don't want to be that crazy momma who's still co-sleeping with her teenage son. Hey, when you get it figured out, let me know. I love you!

(More to come later today. We have to talk about this nursing thing...)