Superfanny

I haven't posted any pics of you recently, so here is the most recent one off the camera, freshly downloaded and blurry as hell.

Hey kids,

It's totally not you. It's me.

I found out long ago that this is NOT the forum in which to bitch about my job, as a work colleague of mine accidentally stumbled upon my blog after he and I went to lunch, and he later Googled the restaurant where we ate. Of course I had blogged about our encounter, and had name-checked the restaurant. Thankfully, I had said nice things about him! But, lessons learned, and all that...

That said, my job is difficult and challenging (read: "sucks balls", currently my new favorite term) right now. I've had a few 12-, 14- and 16-hour days recently. I like the roundness of even numbers, so no 13- or 15-hour days for me. I guess that's all I really need to say about it, cuz that's "sucks balls-y" enough right there.

I'm the art director for a couple of local online enterprises, and while both entities fall under the same parent company, it is still a little like having two very separate and distinct jobs. Two full-time jobs. So I'm a little burnt. My eyes are swollen and watery. My carpal tunnel has returned with a vengeance. And for some cruel reason, I suddenly have horrible acne. I have regular panic attacks during my drive home. I'm falling apart.

That's where you two come in. When I come home at night, Wavy jumps up from wherever she is and smiles and laughs, waves her arms and comes runnin' up to bury her face in me. Jake cries, "Momma's home!" and will jump up for a hug and to help me with my burden of computers, bookbags, purses, whatever. What more of a greeting could a mother ever want?

But lately I feel like I got nothin' left when I stumble through the door. I feel like I gave my best at work, and all I have left for you is sloppy seconds.

We watched Supernanny on tv tonight. Ya'll always seem to get special hugs and kisses whilst we settle down together and watch that show, either guilt on my part cuz I'm such a bad mom, or gratefulness that you'll never be one-tenth as evil as the little monsters that Jo shows up to rescue.

So on tonight's episode, the dad comes home after a long day of back-breaking landscaping, plops down on the couch and spends the rest of the evening shooing children off of him. This is, of course, frowned upon.



Please gawd... tell me I'm not that person. Sometimes I would LIKE to be. I have a natural tendency to want to veg, to zone out, but with kids as high-energy as the both of you are, I really don't have that luxury, at least until after you're both asleep. I honestly (?) don't watch that much TV. My weakness is watching Jeopardy while dinner is on the table, and Lost on Thursday nights. Okay, and maybe marathon sessions of Deadliest Catch on cold, snowy-rainy Memorial Day weekends like this last weekend. The rest is Tivo'd and caught up on in the wee hours while you guys are asleep.

So I usually walk in the door, daddy has dinner ready or close to ready, we eat. Sometimes you both like to hassle us about eating. Sometimes there are time-outs involved; most of the time not. We hang out for a while, baths are dispensed. Then I put you to bed.

Supernanny found time in there for art projects, bubbles, schedule-making, charts and stickers and lots of loving discipline. Tonight I finally asked myself the question: Where does all this time come from? Does she pull it from her ever-widening ASS?

I used to idolize Supernanny Jo and her toddler-whispering ways, but now find her quite suspect. Really, why does she never visit the brown people? Or people who live in multi-family complexes? Or people with special-needs kids? Okay, there was that once... I think there was a kid with rickets or something.

I don't need this added pressure! I do what I can, with what I have. Sometimes "what I have" doesn't feel like enough. I can always do better. But from here on out, no more Supernanny. Unless it's a "very special episode" wherein tonight Jo visits the east side of the tracks to visit a Korean family in a duplex with no HOA dues, and the kids are in daycare all day and the house reeks of fish sauce and an unwashed wolf at the gate. Poor kids are bratty, too!

I really don't know what I'm trying to say tonight. Just that, I love you, and while I don't do art projects with you every day, I at least WANT to. Life has been kind of hectic lately. I promise things will get better. Sooner rather than later, if recent developments shake out the way I hope they shake out. And oh yeah... I love you.


See, here's a recent "art project"! We made candy necklaces a couple weeks ago. You ate yours faster than you could string it together, but eventually wound up with something wearable.